OverAChairFeet's Bloginess

Begin!

Geneva Robins — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 06:06:18 +0000

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Start at the beginning.
Stay focused.

Focused on the good and beautiful people that surround me now.
And… really… have surrounded me always. These strong, feisty women are always around.
My network, my hive. Honey. Honeybees working together in sisterhood to build a sweet, sweet life. To dance, to sing, to rock little babies, and to hold old hands.

We look in each others eyes and see all our beauty and wisdom reflected back to us. These sparkling eyes everywhere I look.
They hold a twinkle, a glimmer of curiosity, creativity… of Life.

We share tea, share our stories, our sorrows and joys.
We lean on our structure, our shelter, and we are supported
through times of great shift and slide.
Change that spins your mind sideways and upside down.

And where it all stops. Spinning, spin, spin, spinning.
When it makes sense again,
we awake to ourselves,
stronger, more beautiful, more loving
than we knew we could be.

A full life

Geneva Robins — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 06:00:02 +0000

Confronted with mortality at, what seems like, every turn, my life has come into sharp focus. It becomes very clear what is important and what is not. There is just no time to waste in living a full life. Things I used to fear doing because of what others would think no longer scare me. I am no longer concerned with living anything less than my best. I will not hold back on laughing loud, savoring beauty or following my heart. The illusion that life is predictable has been shattered and in that new reality there is no space for being timid. I am me and that is that.

Knit well

Geneva Robins — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 06:51:58 +0000

I’m knitting some emerald green socks. My aunt who passed away last week gave me a bunch of her knitting needles years ago. It is comforting to hold something she touched. The methodical process of knitting and the concentration required to knit my fancy socks soothes me. With each loop, I feel closer to her and the icy fingers of grief loosen their hold on me.

I like that knitting moves you forward. It keeps you focused on what you are doing right now. Each stitch moves forward in progression; there is no backtracking and staying stuck on a difficult part. You just keep going, like life.

The magic of children

Geneva Robins — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 06:20:58 +0000

My son is an amazing little person. He is the best teacher for staying in the present moment. Even though I am working my way through the grief of a sudden passing of someone I love, he is so focused on having fun that I don’t stay stuck for long. Children are a miracle.

Play time is all the time. There is no set limit on how much fun you can have in any moment. Kids have a wonderful way of naturally having fun wherever they might be. Everyday objects are toys, like my cool pen that is nicknamed ‘the racecar pen’, or how any triangular object is naturally an airplane.

Being able to see the joy that life has to offer is the gift of living with small kids. All those precious moments are not to be wasted, but lived fully with complete awareness. All of these lessons are highlighted by the stark reality that we never know how many moments we will have. So even though these last few days have been terribly sad, I am constantly reminded that life is for living, for savoring, for enjoying. My little teacher makes sure I see it.

Write anyway

Geneva Robins — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 06:55:57 +0000

I have so many thoughts swirling in my head and heart. I have so much to say and yet I just want to stay curled under the covers until the pain of grief lets go of my heart. I’m agitated and frozen at the same time. Too tired to stay still, too restless to sleep. I know this frenzied silence will lessen. I’m just waiting it out.

I promised myself I would post everyday. So here I am, not wanting to write, but writing anyway.

Write anyway

Geneva Robins — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 06:55:57 +0000

I promised myself I would post everyday. So here I am, not wanting to write, but writing anyway.

Living in paradox

Geneva Robins — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 06:54:09 +0000

The clarity I’m feeling in the midst of near total chaos is astounding to me. Grief and shock so total that I cannot entertain thoughts of worry, anxiety or fear. It calls out a complete focus and complete faith in me that I have not felt before in quite the same way. I know I will not be the same after this, and that is a good thing. All of my fear and insecurities have been scorched away by the fire of life.

So here I am. Staying present and aware. Embracing the moment.

Life

Geneva Robins — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 05:27:26 +0000

Sometimes life conspires to keep you focused so strongly in the present moment that there is no room for any stray thoughts. This is one of those times for me. If I allow my thoughts to take me away, down the path of what-if’s and it-shouldn’t-be-this-way’s, I spin very quickly out of control. There is no point at all of thinking about what I do not want. All I can do, which is a lot and enough, is to stay focused on the joy I have, wherever I can find it. I trust that this simple thought will lead me through this phase of upheaval to a brighter day.

Tense

Geneva Robins — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:30:35 +0000

Sometimes using past tense just breaks your heart. Loved ones lost too soon. Future tense is just too daunting. The only solace found is right here, in this beat, this moment. To think of anything else is madness.

Hafiz on Love

Geneva Robins — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 06:20:09 +0000

Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
“You owe Me.”

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.

~ Hafiz